Change

My mom drove out to visit me a couple months ago. I don't live too far from her, but it's a decent drive. About two hours. I appreciated that she was putting in the effort to spend time with me.

We found a spot for lunch and while we waited for our food, she declared that she should come see me every weekend. I smiled and agreed, knowing she has a habit of making grand commitments like this and then not following through on them.

I don't mean that to sound like I'm faulting her. I'm sure she meant well and it would be unfair of me to expect her to keep up with that kind of promise. And, as much as I don't like admitting it, I possess the same tendency to become overzealous about an idea, taking on too much at once and then reverting back to my original baseline.

Change usually requires sacrifice. Even if those sacrifices are good for us, the discomfort of unfamiliarity can make it feel safer to stay on our current path.

I think it's normal to fall in love with an ideal view of the future. Never really considering what the journey requires from us in order to make it up that mountain. Rather than facing the uncertainty and doubt that comes with new territory, it's easier to remain in the safety of what we know, occasionally glancing up at the summit.

Even more tragic, there are many times I've found myself halfway up that mountain and then decided to turn back, because I was afraid or uncomfortable.

My fears scream, "What if we fail? What if we never make it to the summit and all that effort was for nothing?" Sometimes it will even sound comforting. "That's good enough. Let's go back now."

When I look back on the times I have made meaningful changes in my life, it was because I approached it with reasonable expectations. I would make small incremental improvements over a period of time.

I didn't go from 0 to 100. I would go from 0 to 1 and then I would try to never go back to 0.

By making the steps so small that it is impossible to talk myself out of, I was more likely to take them, day in and day out. Which is especially important when that initial excitement fades and my motivation begins to wane.

My life didn't end up where it is from one big decision. It has been a series of decisions that have led me to where I am. There are good things about my life that I am very proud of and there are also things I would like to change. And the only way I am going to make those changes is by making new decisions, one at a time, over and over, until those choices become who I am.

To exist is to change.

We can either passively change as life happens to us, or we can become active participants who choose to take steps into the unknown and have faith that our efforts will end up paying off, even if we don't end up where we originally mapped out. It certainly beats the alternative. At least I think so.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, my mom has not mentioned any plans to come visit me since our lunch.